Gates Waits, learning delayed gratification and rules.

Funny how we are about rules, love 'em for others, not so much for ourselves. Following rules requires our trust in the one who set them up. Trust is defined in Websters 1840's dictionary as, "Fully resting our minds on the integrity of another." Tall order. Open your heart to whatever God is saying to you right now, He sure is talking to me! Trust. No one under reacts to that word:

Gates is entering a new world of security, dependable structure, consistent and supportive interaction... and rules. Being contained in a communal crib or restrained in a chair, high chair, potty chair or walker did not prepare him for independent pursuits. It's as if the whole wide world just opened the doors and yelled,"RUN!"

Sometimes Gates is like a little over wound top spinning, bumping in to things, exploring at an almost manic pace. You can just see his 'fight or flight' response fueling his insecurity. "I have to keep moving. Have to keep experiencing, feeling... rushing because at any moment I could be back there and the door could slam shut leaving me and my pain alone again.

Remember the way he sometimes still holds that fifth bite of food in his cheeks? It's his strategy to stave off hunger in case the source dries up. Sadly, while holding on to that fifth bite he is missing bite six, seven, eight and all he wants. He holds back to hold on. We all know that what he really needs is to let go of his self preservation reflex and trust.

How does an orphan learn to trust? How does a newly adopted Son with an orphan's experience learn to trust? One act of provision at a time. By watching his needs be met before even he is aware of them, before his self protection response launches itself within his mind. We have to be there. God is so present and so able.

Daddy was up early and ready to kiss awake the boys in time to share breakfast with him before he left for his first day back at work. I am blessed by our ever loving God to say that all went smoothly. Daddy was clearly suffering with the impending separation but all were laughing over their cheerios and bananas and gave extra hugs and exchanged blown kisses through the front window until Daddy was out of sight.

Gates was in a big hurry to play outside. He LOVES outside. I knew rain was in the forcast and wanted him to have some time this morning but our rule is for outside play after 9am because the mosquitoes are still active in the grass until it dries up some from the morning dew. Bridger is well versed in this routine and settled in for his 8:30 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show and played with toys during laundry time for Mom. Gates repeatedly came to me tugging on my hand and wanting to go out. He pointed at the door. I smiled at him and took him to the clock and showed him what nine o'clock looks like again then offered him a toy. He threw the toy and barked at me pointing to the door. I smiled calmly and shook my head pointing to the clock and offering him his sippy cup of formula with his favorite playdough/shape cutters at the table. He got up ran to the couch and lamented to the cushions. Then he promptly sat up as if with an inspiration and shoved his Brother roughly while yelling. Mom picked him up and sat down with him beside me for a 'time in'. With Post Traumatized children you don't use time out as that projects abandonment with disapproval and the goal here is to redirect and discipline for better choices. Rejection he knows, loneliness he knows, fear and intimidation he is too familiar with but a parent who holds him lovingly and waits beside him for his reprieve... that he has not known. So his cycle of negative behavior is disrupted and it's easier to communicate instruction to him.

So, anyway. Our three minute time in wrapped up with him kissing the back of my hand in gratitude. We washed his face and made silly faces at each other in the bathroom mirror and then I sat down to the playdough with him until the clock looked right. Pointing it out joyfully, "It's nine o'clock we can go outside! Yay!" We did that. Gates was all smiles and was totally okay with the rule now that he was outside... at least until tomorrow morning.