He remembers too.

It's so hard to believe that this time last year, Paul and Gates were navigating the troubles and challenges of medical procedures, government interviews and all of the drama that goes with it all in China. Father's Day Gates was in Daddy's arms and July 1, they landed at home here in Ft. Myers. Tearful family waiting with baited breath for their first glimpse, video cameras rolling, channel 2 news and Next Level Church friends holding signs, precious family in international adoption watching pensively and compassionately and our Keller Williams Realty waving tiny American flags. Oh God, it's still just to amazing to remember it all. Lord you are mighty!

This afternoon, Paul and I were reflecting on where we all were a year ago.., how much has changed. Gates went into the bedroom and pulled on his Elmo backpack that Daddy gave to him that first day in China filled with little treasures: coloring book, a mini tonka truck from brother, his blankie, cherrios and sippy cups. He still keeps them all, along with a stuffed camel Paul bought for him in Lanzhou in his 'treasure box' on top of his little dresser. The first few months, he hid food in there and a zip lock bag and anything else he thought was cool that he found.., like a little myna bird.

Anyway, I'm off down another path, he put his back pack on and he came into the living room with us and I asked, "Where are you goin' Honey?" He said, "I finding Mamma!" I choked a little, not sure where we were going with that and asked softly, "Where will you find Mamma?" He ran into our room, and came out with a pair of my shoes on and then he clacked across the floor and threw himself into my arms and cried, "I missed you Mamma!" I hugged him tight and said, "I missed you too baby. But now you will always be with me." He replied. "I missed you. Can I have bubble gum?" So, subject quickly changed and he's back to bouncing around on the furniture and I'm overwhelmed with how brave he is and how incredibly strong to allow himself to glimpse the lonliness and then redirect himself so effectively. I have so much to learn.., and loving my Boys is teaching me so much. Happy Family Day Gates! We are SO proud of you!

Gates the Great Debater

Gates is getting sassy. He likes to offer casual comments or feigned concern in response to daily instructions. Case in point I pick out a shirt and offer it to him, we are in a hurry and I am attempting to put on a 'relaxed' front because my sensitive older Son reacts like a donkey in a bridle and 'sits' at the first indication of haste. Gates is on to me, as he usually is. "Mamma," he says as he shakes his head to the offered t shirt, "I don't think so." I ask, "Why?" He pulls an excuse that worked last week when he didn't want to wear overalls out of his hat. "Because it falls down." I pointed out, "Honey, the straps on the overalls slide down like this and I know that annoyed you but this shirt fits you just fine and it cannot fall down." Now he gives me the Gates Rudd equivalent of digging in his heels and puts four fingers in his mouth and mumbles, "Nope."
I ask why again. Not because I am encouraging his resistance but I am fascinated by his grasp of the language to the point of challenging me to a debate and I'm frankly curious what else he may bring to the table. "Well Mamma. I can't" "Oh, you can't put this shirt on? Son, please take your fingers out of your mouth to speak. What is the problem with putting this shirt on?" Bridger is dressed, shoes on and aggravated with the delay and spouts. "Gates! What is the problem?" Gates shouts, "Bridger I can't wear that shirt. The color is not a bicycle." I'm laughing by now and brother states flatly, "Bicycle is not a color Gates." Gates says, "Yes it is! Bicycle is orange!" So, I went back to his dresser and pulled out the bicycle shirt which is of course orange and he squealed, "Good job Mamma! I'm so proud of you!" Then he said, "I don't like these shoes."

Life Lately.

It's been a very sad time as our family surrendered our precious Nana into the arms of Jesus this past week. We will miss her constantly. We are thankful that her love and life will last forever in those who continue on in this world and where she is in the place God prepared especially for her... even more beautiful than her beloved river property.

Bridger knew and loved Nana and has struggled with accepting her loss. Unfortunately, Gates did not have the opportunity to share many memories with her. I'm so glad he had his first Christmas with her just months ago though and we'd visited together several other times since he got home in July. I'm grateful for those pictures. Take lots of pictures people, and kiss and hug your family all that you can.

The little ones help distract the older ones from the abyss of grief we're all in together. Children need their schedules and their fresh air. It was a relief to take the boys to the park yesterday. Paul has been watching the phone for work and we just needed a change of scenery. Next stop, Lakes Park. Bridge and Gates climbed into car seats boasting of great plans. "I'm going to get on my bike and ride like the wind! I'm not going to stop riding until dark time."
Gates:"I'm not too."

True to their word the little cowboys saddled up and hit the trail. Their favorite dirt trail toward the back of the park, just down a piece from the fragrance garden. There are big hills and small hills, gravel to wipe out in and jagged rocks to bounce off of. To adult eyes it seems rather tame but to these little adventurers it's Everest.

May God help us to be bold and brave like our Sons are. As we face mountains, gravel pits and jagged rocks ourselves. Thankful that Our God Reigns.

Ebracing new experiences! Gates loves to party.

Gates enjoyed Valentines Day. He picked out some Mickey Mouse valentines and signed them all himself. He picked out particular valentines for particular people too. Bridger got Donald because that's his fave charactar, Aimee got Minnie mouse because she wears pink and Chari got the one with Mickey and Minnie in a hot air balloon because Chari rode in a balloon at Downtown Disney recently, although her hubby took her on a birthday helicopter ride just a few weeks ago, Gates did not have any helicopter valentines. He did mention it though. "Where Helicopper?"

Gates enjoyed a little heart shaped baseball box of candy and still has two pieces left in it on top of his dresser. He and Bridger had fun decorating the strawberry cake Bridger made with lots of little conversation hearts.

Bridger caught a commercial on tv this morning and shouted out, "All RIGHT! The Fair is coming to town!" Gates first shouted, "Yay!" Then asked, "What's a fair?" I cannot wait to see him at the petting zoo!

Gates is up to 39 and one half inches tall. He was twenty nine inches tall on arrival and it was
documented that his growth was 'stunted'. His weight is leveling off at 28lbs right now (up eight lbs since arrival) but we're looking for further growth in that area too! He is four years 7 months old.

Gates is Doing Well.

Gates is getting over his cold and I think he is very relieved. I know I am, he just doesn't have a lot to 'fight' with at 26 and a half lbs. He is cracking jokes again and bossing everyone around in that
funny way of his. "Mamma, why you put that there?" He loves coloring and he has colored the front and back of every page in one of his coloring books today... yes, today. He set aside at my urging for meals but took it outside coloring at the picnic table rather than playing with his bulldozers and tractors in the quarry and he sat next to me on the couch coloring. I don't know if it's relaxing for him or some kind of job he has given himself. He fascinates me. If you really want to get him singing around the house just hand him a baby wipe and let him shine up the door of the fridge or pass the whisk broom and a dust pan to him. He still re-folds all of the clothes in his dresser several times a week. As a Mom of 4, it wasn't often that I investigated a quiet child in the other room to find him folding his clothes!

Learning to Let Love In

Tomorrow will be seven months home. Gates is growing in so many ways. I can tell you more about who he is at this point now rather than just what he does and what he likes. At Four years and six months old Gates is guarded and more than a little manipulative, but that's what kept his head above water in the old days in the hospital in Lanzhou. It will take some time before he loses some of his self protective posturing. If we say, "Yes." It's all skipping and smiles. If we say "No." It's anything but. We're consitent and calm though and his rages are really more about his fear that if he isn't in charge he won't be taken care of, than they are about actual anger. It's expected and along with the obvious connection he is begining to develop to us there is an equally obvious attempt to protect himself from getting too attached. Case in point. He nearly nodded off in the carseat on the way home from a long, happy bike ride in the park today. I reached in and picked him up then held him close as we walked up to the door. He leaned in against me rather than holding his back straight and avoiding close contact like he usually does and I kissed the side of his face by his ear. He pulled back and looked me square in the face then slammed his forehead into my nose as hard as he could. No, I didn't drop him. I did cry a while though. I know his rejection isn't personal but self defensive in his mind... but like a smack in the nose, it still hurts.

Growing Young.

My head has been such a whirlwind environment lately that I've had a difficult time bringing my thoughts and experiences into a communicable format. Too much to write about I suppose. I'll just put one word after another and we'll see where we end up 'kay?

Gates is progressing so well. He is just such a precious little person. I don't think I could ever convey the hundreds of ways I see him changing. His movements have become more fluid and graceful. His personality is developing as he gradually begins to embrace the idea of independent thought and action. He was very threatened by this at first. He ate when Brother ate (not so unusual), went to the bathroom at the same time and played with toys, watched a video, read a book, climbed on Dad at the same time.It doesn't seem that strange in type but when you watch a child read a book and wait for his brother to turn the page so that he can, or have a meltdown because Brother wants to play with monster trucks and he is still enjoying his puzzle as if it requires him to surrrender his puzzle time and play monster trucks because B. did... it's a little unusual. Gates's constant scrutiny annoys B occasionally, "Stop copying me."

It's really ingenius in a way though. Like any older child in his circumstances he learns the language and routines in this new world by mimicing and imitation. On the other hand, he is still institutionally programmed to move from activity to activity en masse with other children. No time or tolerance for independant actions. I am amazed by his tenacity and determination to plow through each day. He is just as strong as we all imagined him to be and yet still so very infant like and fragile.

Bridger is five and he is... well, Bridger. By no means is Bridge insensitive, quite the opposite, but he isn't the most patient guy in the house. Let's just say, the boys are learning from each other. Gates is still learning how to play. He does the 'work' of play and he will copy B's play actions like driving a matchbox car around on the floor while B. does it. But he doesn't engage in play yet. He will still aquire toys many times a day, grabbing them from his brother's hand while poising his hand and fingers as if threatening to scratch him but he doesn't know what to do with the toy once he has it, he'll look at it and toss it on the ground. Nowadays Bridger just holds onto the toy and shouts, "Drop it. I'm playing with it. A little help here?"
The moment a grown up says, "Gates play nice. Get another toy from the box." He shouts,"No."
and throws himself to the floor and begins the rocking behaivor and moans or whines. Then he gets ups and engages in a familiar activity like re folding all of the clothes in his dresser. We're not clear on whether he starts doing chores as a self comforting reflex or as an attempt to earn back the favor he thinks he lost with whatever caused him to be corrected. I know that all children work from the time they can walk in the orphanage. Gates folds clothes better than I do and watching him take his recently discarded play clothes from the bathroom floor and rinse and ring them out in his bathwater after he's done is impressive... but we remain positive that Gates will enter childhood any day now.