Waiting Mamma

No matter how your family brings a new child home it's an emotional rollercoaster. Yesterday I was sorting his three sizes of clothes for Daddy's trip to China since we don't know exactly what size he wears we've packed 3 18 months, 3 24 months and 3 3T outfits. His last update said he weighs 30lbs but I have friends who got that number also and brought home children who weighed 17 pounds and 23 pounds. Sometimes a little is 'lost' in the translations. How can I be so close to him that I can hear his voice calling out to me at night and so far from him I don't even know what size he wears.

Before he got home I used to have nightmares of a fire in B's orphanage and with Gates it's no better. I long for the sound of him in the house. I want to read to him and teach him "This Little Piggie". I miss him so profoundly. I dream that I can see him through a glass wall. His back is turned toward me. He is laying on a bed that he is tethered to so he doesn't get up at night and he is crying silently. I know that he is hungry. I know that he thinks he is alone in the world. I know that he needs me.
I cannot tell you what it means to me that so many people are involved in breaking down that wall with us to rescue this little boy. He will need a lot of patience and gentleness like a skittish kitten whose been making it on his own. Paul and I have prepared for him; Parenting the hurt child. Post Traumatic Parenting. Parenting the Institutionalized Child. Eyes Wide Open. are just a few of the courses and interactive workshops we've completed. Step one always starts with, "When your child arrives home..." Hang on Baby, Daddy is coming. Mamma loves you. Bridger has stopped asking, "When is my Brother coming home?" and now has started filling in extra copies of adoption paperwork himself in an effort to move this thing along! (My precious baby Gates: I pray that somehow God is keeping hope alive in you. I believe you will be sitting at the kitchen table with a beautiful birthday cake in front of you on that wonderful day in July when you get a chance for a better birthday than the one you started with. Mamma loves you.)