M is for...

It's around ten a.m. in China as I write this. Gates is well into his day. May the Lord hedge him in protection while keeping his precious heart soft enough to know love and hard enough to endure.

It's a little after ten p.m. here obviously... on Mother's Day. I am wearing a lovely new sterling silver necklace. The charm is a heart with one birthstone for each of my four kids. Gates's little July stone is added at the end of the other three.

I'm wearing my new PJ pants with my softest t shirt and my new soft slippers. It was a fun day. I have wonderful kids and each of them is so very individual. I like to think of how Gates will expand our joy. Each of the three chose a lovely card, each one personal to that child. Bridger read his loudly and proudly I can still feel his kisses on my face, they are rare and treasured. A. chose a beautiful Beatrix Potter card with the bunny charactars and kind words of love. At twenty two, she sweetly nuzzled noses with me like when she was little because I asked her to. C. also picked out a card that was uniquely her own, words like lyrics that lifted my heart. She was also affectionate and coached her husband laughingly as he attempted pictures of the four of us together. After lunch we headed out to visit with my Grandmother and other family it was really good to see them.

Back at home Paul and I tried to watch a couple of movies we'd rented from the red box while B. napped. The bedtime stories one had a lot of cute parts in it. Yes Man was a little odd though, we fast forwarded through a lot of it to get the jist of it. It was a good day. Being a Mom is both the greatest and most humbling experience of my life. I look forward to the challenge of becoming Mamma to another child whom God has chosen to share with me.

This little guy has missed his Mamma for so long, he might be a little mad at me for awhile because I didn't come when he cried and when he hurt and when he was alone. Actually, he will probably be a lot mad at me, but taking this awesome roll in his life will require some greiving alongside him for his childhood and his innocence. I will have to take some of the punnishment owed to others along with the tremendous gifts that they will never have a chance to receive from him. I will be his Mamma.

By God's grace his ability to receive and prayerfully one day give love in his relationship with me and the rest of his family will give him the chance he deserves to heal some and to have love in his future. I may be with the Lord before Gates becomes a father but the wholeness in his heart cultivated by God and watered by our love will influence our grandchildren and great grandchildren to the glory of God. Being a Mom Rocks!